trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Someone stole a lamp last night.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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