apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
