Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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