i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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