So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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