Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
