ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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