so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize