U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
