The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
