If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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