It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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