So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
