if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize