If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize