No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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