we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
did you just send me my own nude
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
