You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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