No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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