She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
it glows. i had to have it.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
