i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
