Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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