Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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