I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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