Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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