dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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