Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
That accounts for only three of the penises
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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