Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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