like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
