they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
