I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I FOUND THE LEGS
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
