it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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