I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
