i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
