Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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