Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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