I'm going to jail i love you
I smell stomach acid.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
