Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
