Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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