Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
