Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
