he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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