Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
