Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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