I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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