i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
MIDGETS
????
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
