where does the pee come out of this thing
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Ladies don't puke and tell
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
