I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
