I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
