those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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