I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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