Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize