pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
