can u get pink eye on your cock?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
