Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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