My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
