why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
