we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
ok first of all what the fuck
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
