Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
