Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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