i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
