I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
