Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
