Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
