there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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