I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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