But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
