He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Congratulations! We have a period
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
