btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
