He uses pillows to masturbate.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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