Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
is that a dick in a sweater?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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