I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
