Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize