well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
