I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Small penises have feelings too.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
