Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
