I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
