Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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