Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
