He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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