I heard we made out
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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