Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
It was confusing and full of hummus
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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