Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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