I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just google imaged poop.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
