Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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