very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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