I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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